Little Treat Culture is Killing Me | How Much Did I Spend Last Week? May 13-19, 2024

As I reflect on this past week, I feel shocked at the amount of stuff I did. I met several people! I got my hair done! I went to therapy! I had several meetings about Atlas’ developmental and educational goals! And at no point did I think, Jesus Christ I need to go and lie in a dark room.

There was a time – not that long ago, honestly – that this week’s schedule would have really overwhelmed me, and I would have ended up cancelling all “non-essential” activities: coffees and lunches and probably even therapy, imagining I just needed to take this one week off…

And I don’t know what’s shifted in the last few weeks, but somehow I’m feeling weirdly (for me) capable when it comes to dealing with the demands of life, in a way that I don’t remember ever feeling before.

And honestly? I’d thought that was just my personality. “I get really overwhelmed if I’ve too much on,” I would say, in the way that people say these things about themselves, with great authority. I just know this about myself. So now I’m starting to wonder, did I ever know that about myself, or was it just something I assumed because I was living in a kind of anxiously depressed state, 24/7?

Writing it down feels a little like jinxing it, but also a little like celebrating it, and the latter point feels more important, so here we are.

(I also wonder if this new can-do spirit is the reason I indulged in so many “little treats” throughout the last week. WHO KNOWS!)

Monday

I had originally planned to meet a friend for coffee this morning, but that was before I actually looked at my calendar (note to self: look at calendar before making plans) and realised we have occupational therapy this morning.

It’s every other Monday, which makes it kind of hard to keep track of in my mind, at least without looking at the aforementioned calendar.

Anyway, Atlas does not want to leave the house this morning for OT so I bribe him with a cinnamon toast crunch bar and we’re out the door, stopping for a laaaaaaaarge latte on the way. ($10 including tip)

At home, I usually drink black coffee, only indulging in a milky coffee when I’m having a little treat™ but since I got pregnant this time, I’ve kind of gone off coffee, something that did not happen last time. I can still drink it, but I don’t really savour it the way I used to, and every other morning I totally forget about it.

Anyway, this session I decide I’ll stay in the waiting room. For every other session, I’ve gone in with him, but last time he freaked out so much when it came to leaving that I’m wondering if having me in the waiting room for him to go out to will make it a bit easier. (Plus, I kind of want to read my book in peace.)

It works! His therapist, McKinley, starts asking him to “find mommy” when his session comes to an end and he barrels out the door delighted to have found me, er, exactly where he left me. I never claimed he was a genius.

We get back in the car and head to his babysitter’s, where I drop him off to enjoy his day while I head home to do some work.

PSYCH! As if I will be able to do any work, I have my first ultrasound at noon! You know, the ultrasound they described as being “to check viability”, and which was scheduled early (at eight weeks) due to the fact that I’d been injecting myself with not-great-for-babies semaglutide.

I’m clearly getting nothing done, work-wise, but I decide to keep myself busy for the 90 minutes or so, and I make our bed, tidy and clean the kitchen, put up a load of laundry and put on another load of laundry, and water the flowers before it’s time to head off.

I’m really nervous, and it doesn’t help that I get called in early, before Brandin’s got there. Never have I ever felt like such an enormous sap as I do in that moment, “um, can I wait for my husband to get here? He’s just five minutes away!” I mumble at her pathetically as she ushers me into the room.

He gets there eventually and we head back, where I’m informed that, as it’s such early days (it turns out I’m only measuring seven weeks and three days, even earlier than I’d thought), we’re going to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound as it’s easier to see what’s going on. VOM. It’s obviously fine, but I do wish I’d worn different socks.

I nearly cry with relief when we hear a very strong little baby heartbeat, and then we see the little baby on the screen, looking distinctly like a teeny tiny turkey – fitting, as the tech calculates our due date as December 27th.

Afterwards, a nurse talks me through the results – everything’s looking good, she says, much to my relief – and I pay our co-pay ($40) before heading out to get myself a post-ultrasound lunch.

Last time I was pregnant, the little treat™ I’d have after each medical appointment was McDonald’s, but this time I’m craving not just salt but also spice, so I decide to grab Zing ($15.38) instead. I think about eating in, then decide I’ll just go through the drive-thru – they actually have a nice restaurant, but the last time I was there I was the only person in the place and felt awkward – and eat at home with Vinny and Mel staring (begging) at me.

I contemplate doing an hour of work once I’m home and finished my lunch, but I have a hair appointment at 3pm, and it feels futile to start something if I know I’ll have to abandon it in an hour, so instead I sit and read my book with a can of Diet Coke until it’s time to go.

One of the best things about Fort Wayne, honestly, is the fact that there’s loads of parking – both on-street and in parking garages – and it’s really cheap. Plus, if you get caught overstaying on the parking meter, you get a ticket for $10. I remember getting a $120 fine for parking my car outside my own house in Dublin, so this is very refreshing.

Anyway, there’s free parking right outside the hairdressers so I park up and head in to the Space Salon, a hair salon that opened up downtown last year. It’s a really nice place with a super inclusive ethos, eco-friendly low-tox products and they even have a lil queer library for guests to borrow from. One of my favourite things about it, though, is that, unlike most other salons, The Space charges based on the time it takes for your service, regardless of hair type, length or gender.

I tell Olive – they’ve cut my hair before so I trust them, but I’m also feeling a bit devil-may-care – to do what they want to my hair, and I end up with a kind of shag-adjacent haircut that I’m not totally sure about (it’s very cute but I also worry I’m not cool enough for it) but I’m hoping will grow (if you’ll excuse the pun!) on me. ($150)

Once I’m done I head home to the boys; when I get back, Brandin’s out getting Atlas, so I start a pasta bake for dinner.

We spend some time in the back garden – in the evenings, the sun has moved around the front of our house so most of the back is in shade which is perfect – and then eat dinner before bathtime for everyone and early bedtime, also for everyone.

Daily total: $215.38