Have you ever gone on a two-week holiday and, for the first week, felt as though the time is going gloriously slowly and that you’re truly getting the chance to take things in, to luxuriate, to relax and to be in the moment, only to get to week two and for the second half of that holiday to disappear in the blink of an eye?
That’s what the second half of 2023 is feeling like to me – not only these past few months as a chunk of time, but it seems as though every single day, after I put Atlas to bed, I have this moment of shock where I think, what happened today?! Where did my day go? and I’m never quite sure of the answer.
Suffice it to say: this week is a blur.
Monday
My alarm is set for 7.30am and I am up before 8am, which feels like some sort of Monday miracle.
Though I used to consider myself a morning person, for the last while I’ve really struggled with getting out of bed, snoozing my alarm for as long as I possibly can (or until the baby wakes up). It was only this week, as Atlas has finally started to sleep through the night – the week before his second birthday – that I’ve realised the truth. It’s no wonder I can’t get out of bed in the mornings: I’ve been exhausted.
Now, I’m not suggesting that I’ll become someone who gets up at 4.45am each morning, just for the hell of it – but my morning sluggishness has kind of been eating away at my self-esteem, making me convinced that I’m just a really lazy person when, Hello, Captain Obvious here: I haven’t slept more than four hours in a row in almost three years! Of course I’ve been tired!
Anyway. I get up, put up some washing, get dressed and then Atlas is beginning to stir so I get him up, too, and bring him downstairs to try to give him some breakfast (it’s touch and go, I just don’t think he loves eating first thing) before walking him to Robin’s.
My car is still at the dealership, where they’re investigating this issue it’s having with the gearbox (or whatever you call a gearbox in an automatic car, is it still a gearbox?! ONLY GOD KNOWS!) – but today I actually remember to call them for an update, where they tell me that they haven’t managed to get it to replicate the problem, but their tech is going to go back out in it today to see what he can pick up.
They promise to get back to me by the end of the day. I did enjoy my weekend as a semi-hermit, but I’d now quite like to be able to drive myself places, thank you very much.
I spend the day working at the kitchen table for a change. Sometimes I like working up in my room, because it feels a bit like I’m isolated from the world, but other times I don’t, probably for the same reason. When I work at the kitchen table it feels somehow like I’m more connected to the house, or to my family… I can’t really explain it, but I feel more like I’m a part of something, rather than that I exist separately to everything else.
I order myself Panda Express ($19.48) for lunch, then have a violently upset stomach within about 30 minutes of eating it. (I was told, years ago, by a doctor who couldn’t find anything else wrong with me that I have IBS – and while my symptoms definitely worsen with stress, I can’t really tell if there are any particular foods that set me off, because I can eat something one day and be fine, but eat it the next day and… not be fine! It’s really frustrating and I kind of just try to forget about it, which probably isn’t the best approach, but I went down the investigation, blood tests, colonoscopy route years ago and nothing was unearthed so here we are.)
My Book of the Month subscription comes out. ($17.11) This may seem expensive, but actually, books are really expensive here – hardbacks are at least $25 (and BOTMs are all hardback) and even books on Kindle are $10+, the same books you’d get for £4-£7 on Amazon UK.
Brandin gets home from work at 4.30pm – the boys have had football on Monday nights for the past few weeks, so he comes home for a bit to change and sit down for 30 minutes, then heads out to pick them up and bring them to practice, which is about a 45-minute drive from us, where they go to school.
Today we go together to pick Atlas up from Robin’s – he is delighted to see us, the dote – and we head home, with Brandin leaving about 10 minutes later. In hindsight, it might have been better to wait to pick Atlas up until his dad was gone, because he is very upset at this unexpected departure.
Brandin texts me when they’re done at around 7pm, and I put the oven on for frozen pizzas for dinner. They’re… meh. Now there is an untapped market: why has no one put serious research and effort into making a truly delicious, frozen pizza?! Because I swear I’ve never had a single one.
I get a text from the dealership at around 7pm. They weren’t able to find the problem with my car – but, great news! I can pick it up tomorrow and pay $180 for the privilege. Yay!
Daily total: $36.59
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Anchor Baby to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.