Never Would I Ever…

A not-so-short list of things I would never do.

• go skydiving. This is mostly because I am afraid of heights, but partly because a man I dated (for a whole year, no less) took up skydiving about six months into our relationship, while he was unemployed, living with his parents down the country and we were seeing each other maybe twice a month because he couldn’t afford to go on many dates / drive up to Dublin willy-nilly. SKYDIVING. Possibly one of the world’s most expensive hobbies, aside from collecting Teslas. But it’s mostly the fear of heights.

• pee in a she-wee. I just don’t have the aim.

• eat something off someone else’s finger. My husband – God bless him – is always trying to get me to taste things he is making, using his index finger as a vessel. Why – WHY – would I want to taste overly sweet American buttercream (for example) off someone’s finger, even if that someone is my husband?! (I would never.)

• go to a costume party if I could possibly avoid it. I’d love to say Halloween is an exception, but it’s not – I strongly dislike the effort of dressing up as it is, so while I can occasionally push myself to dress appropriately for a wedding, dressing up in costume to spend an evening with other people in costume is just… a step too far. Just no.

• eat a slice of turducken. (Have you ever?! I would quite like to know what it’s like, but not enough to ever try it.

I had originally thought this would be a long, sprawling list of things I would never do – but as it happens I can think of no more! Perhaps I am, indeed, the chilled-out, laidback cool girl I’ve always dreamed of being. But please, do let me know what things you would never do (and it still counts if you did them once and have pledged never to do them again – I want to know everything).