I don’t know why it happened, but I do know when; in the nine-and-three-quarter months I was pregnant with Atlas, I developed a habit of getting McDonald’s for lunch after my OB appointments.
The appointments would inevitably take longer than I thought they would and I would emerge, blinking, into the heat of the Indiana summer absolutely starving, and unable to think of anything I could possibly make myself for lunch that would be (a) ready within minutes or (b) half as delicious as a McDonald’s meal (with a caramel sundae for dessert).
So this week, when I found myself with an hour to kill in between medical appointments, and a familiar gnawing feeling in my stomach (the feeling is hunger, not pregnancy), there was only one thing for it. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself.
Monday
It’s my birthday! I must admit, I’m struggling slightly with 38 – in a way that I never struggled with any other age up to now. I think it’s the realisation that I’m crawling so close to 40, and that I haven’t quite… achieved, is I guess the word, the things I had thought I would, or hoped to, achieve by now.
It’s probably the perfect week to be starting back at therapy; a few months ago, I asked a Fort Wayne mutual of mine on Instagram if she could give me a therapist recommendation, as she seems pretty similar to me in terms of outlook.
When I first started looking for local therapists here, I found a lot of them seem to offer sessions with a Christian, or “God first” ethos, which is definitely not what I’m looking for in a therapist.
Anyway, I contacted her recommendation and I was added to a waitlist, which has finally been whittled down to… well, me. So I have an appointment for Wednesday.
As a result of my somewhat negative feelings surrounding this birthday, I wasn’t quite sure I wanted to celebrate it, but ultimately decided to do lunch today with Bea, Don, Fox, Atlas, Brandin and my parents, at Proximo downtown.
Brandin and I share the elote corn starter – they have a kind of Mexican fusion menu – and we each have the crab chilaquiles for our main course. They had a different version of the chilaquiles, with chorizo, on their old menu, and I loved them, and these are tasty, too, but I think next time I’d ask to DIY it a bit and do chorizo instead of crab, adding guacamole and a little extra cheese and sour cream.
What can I say?! I like extra everything!
My sister has – of course – told them that it’s my birthday, so I get a free dessert (with a candle in it, also of course), but the “happy birthday” doesn’t quite kick off, so I’m spared the humiliation of being sung to in public. Mum and Dad pay.
After lunch, I drop into our lawyer’s office, which is right across the road, to leave in a cheque for the retainer portion of my Green Card application. In total, the lawyer fees are amounting to $2,500 – and the application itself costs a little under $2,000. (How do people come from super poor countries, work illegally in terribly paid jobs, and ever get legal status?! I am in awe of their tenacity and hard work, honestly.) ($500)
I had planned to do some work when I got home, but I decide to take the afternoon off – a birthday treat from me to me – so Brandin, Atlas and I chill out for a bit before he goes to get the boys.
I order some bits from Amazon – a laundry basket for our bedroom (we had been just throwing clothes on the floor and then carrying them into the laundry room but, as efficient systems go, it was quite rubbish); some sticky mounting dots for the paintings that will not hang straight on our walls; a new toothbrush; a mouse pad and a birthday gift for Brandin’s sister, whose birthday is today too! ($143.89)
Fun fact: almost everyone in Brandin’s family shares a birthday with someone else. I share with his sister; Finn’s is the same day as his granddad’s; our sister-in-law shares hers with Brandin’s grandma; Brandin’s mum and her dad have the same birthday… it’s freaky.
My Hulu subscription comes out ($14.99), as does my Bluehost website hosting payment ($14.99, expensed to the podcast).
When the boys get home they have macaroni cheese for dinner; I have toast. (Big lunch!) I read my book – A Discovery of Witches, still not loving it?! IDK I’m just finding it hard to get into – for a while before bed.
Atlas is back to waking up at least twice, sometimes three or four times, a night – we think he’s teething – so I’m in bed by 10pm, trying to get as much shut-eye as possible.
Daily total: $658.88
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