I received an email the other day which, at first – like so many emails I suppose – seemed promising. I would put this in the same category as the dozens of emails I receive each week asking if I’d like to collaborate with x or y brand on Instagram. “We’re offering $50 for a grid post with 3 dedicated stories – let us know if you’re interested!” I say no to each and every one, insulted by the paltry sum, but now that I write it down, $600 per week to post on Instagram doesn’t seem like the worst deal in the world.
This email promised not a career opportunity but something better: the perfect Mother’s Day gift that would, crucially, “make you her favorite child”. I thought, momentarily, about sending it to my sister but she has a lot on and, in any case, I supposed I’d better read through it first. (Mother’s Day in the US, confusingly, is the second Sunday in May; I know that for any of my European readers, Mother’s Day is in the rear view mirror by now but, you know, mothers are just women who’ve given birth, so who knows who you might find a great gift idea for.)
The first item on the list? A $300 “washable” silk robe – because mothers may still be glamorous, but there’s bound to be a spill somewhere along the line, lol #momlife – from a brand I’ve never heard of that comes in three sizes only (XS/S, M and L/XL, not promising) and, crucially, reaches to mid-thigh only. Who wants this robe? Not me, A Mother; and not, I’d be pretty confident in saying, my own mother either.
Things can only get better, I thought, foolishly, and was immediately buoyed by item two: a three-month subscription to The Bouqs, a mail-order florist that offers genuinely beautiful arrangements (even if the $137 you’ll spend on a bouquet of Bouqs flowers each month for three months could get you a house full of flowers for that same length of time from Trader Joe’s, or Joseph Duffy & Sons in Smithfield, say).
But that was simply a way to lure me further into the list of doom, because at number three we find a teeny tiny bunch of “preserved” (are these basically… taxidermied flowers?!) flowers from Anthropologie, and by the time I’ve clicked through the very Clueless (in more ways than one) $300 Coach bag and the $400 bakeware set by Caraway I’m ready to throw that entire article into the fire and, inspired by my ire, use the time to, instead, share with you some items that I have bought, received or otherwise taken possession of (borrowed? stolen? who’s to say?) that would make anyone – A Mother, A Woman, A Feminist, A Taxidermist – happy. (I cannot guarantee favourite child status at this time.)
The Yeedi M12 Pro+
A few weeks ago, I was approached by Yeedi to ask if I would like an early sample of their new M12 Pro+ vacuum and mop robot, which was released yesterday.
A couple of years ago, I stopped accepting free PR samples – I was getting such a massive amount of makeup, skin and haircare products, so many that not only would I not get around to using them all, but I wouldn’t get around to reviewing them, either, which made me feel awful for taking them in the first place – but I will make an exception for a robot vacuum, something I’d been going back and forth with Brandin about investing in for a while now. (I couldn’t help but feel as though it was kind of taking the lazy way out; we have a perfectly good hoover and how much time could it even take to just hoover and mop the house ourselves every other day?! It turns out: a lot of time, and so we rarely – if ever – did it.)
I will never ever stop telling people how great the Yeedi M12 Pro+ is. Sure, it vacuums and mops – two things I hate doing – but it can also be programmed to do so while you’re in bed; it has this crazy “smart mopping” technology so it mops quite literally up to the very edge of the carpet, and its sensors are so incredible that I have watched it vacuum its way right up to the cat and then gently re-direct itself to vacuum around him. (That the cat does not get out of the way of Freeda, as we are calling our robot vacuum, is also worrying.)
It seems to have totally eliminated the dog hair problem I thought we’d just have to live with forever – Vinny sheds, the groomer told me, three times more than any other pit bull she’s ever met, and his hairs are all tiny white spikes that are embedded in every piece of soft furnishing we have, as well as, until Freeda came into our lives, every inch of our carpet – and it’s also really quiet, so you can set it to go on while you’re watching TV, or listening to a podcast, and it just… goes about its business.
It honestly just does a far better job than I could ever have imagined (and than I could ever do with a vacuum and mop and bucket combo, honestly) and I can say with certainty that, like the Dyson Airwrap, this is one freebie I would pay to replace if I had to.
(Also, I know cleaning stuff is a bit passé when it comes to “gifts for her” – why are we always buying domestic products for women?! I think I know the answer – but this is just such a great little gadget that I think whoever received this could overlook that faux pas.)
Laneige’s Sleeping Lip Mask
I know this is very 2020 of me (and actually I’ve been using this product that long), but I was recently thinking about products I couldn’t live without and the Laneige Lip Sleeping Mask (I don’t really have a scent preference; right now I’m using an apple one that I don’t really detect much of a flavour from, honestly) is up there at the top of that list.
I used to carry lip balm around in my bag with me 24/7, and apply religiously at various intervals throughout the day. And I won’t pretend that I don’t ever have to apply lip balm – sometimes a gal gets dehydrated, okay?! – but since I started applying a thick layer of this soft, silky goop to my lips each and every night, I can go days, maybe even weeks, without using anything during the day.
It. Is. Magic. (And I know it’s $24, which is pricey if you use it as an everyday lip balm, which I heard lately people are doing even though it specifically says “masque de nuit” on it!!! but if you use it like I do, the $24 will give you at least three months of soft, hydrated smackeroonies.)
Pineapple-design solar hanging bird feeder
This is an especially valuable recommendation because it really doesn’t matter which bird feeder you get. This is the one we have – it’s currently not available on UK Amazon so I guess you could put a watch on it? or just idk get a different one – and though I would never have considered myself an avid birdwatcher, or even bird-payer-attention-to, it has given me so much joy to watch the birds congregate (and fight) at the bird feeder for the past three years.
Actually, the base fell off this feeder after about two years (those damn birds are just getting bigger and bigger, is there an avian obesity epidemic?!?! that’s a joke the “obesity epidemic” is made up) so I glued it, and then when the Gorilla Glue failed me, we ended up buying a second one.
I’ve learned that this particular bird feeder, as the mesh is quite loose, is best for larger feed, so birdies who come to this feeder get sunflower seeds, meaning that the ground beneath the feeder will be covered in sunflower seed husks. I don’t care about this, but you might. Bear in mind if you’re investing in some bird feeders.
On the opposite side of the garden, I have a disgusting suet cake bird feeder which seems to attract a few different species – at a guess, I’d say redwing blackbirds and common grackles seem to like the suet, the sunflower seeds get a lot of starlings – but also seems to be the site of more violence, so take from that what you will.
Anyway, this bird feeder cost $24 and I spend about $20 every three months on enormous bags of bird feed and even though they take up a lot of prime real estate in my pantry I will never give up my newfound bird obsession. Also, I’m entirely crediting the bird feeders for the fact that I’m now basically Dr Dolittle.
The Simple Modern 40oz Tumbler
Not, crucially, a Stanley cup because I may be a sheep but I am a cheap sheep, and a sheep who hates being waitlisted. I’ve shared the above image in the hopes that you might initially think I wanted this Simple Modern tumbler because of its technical specs – 24-hour insulation! Dishwasher safe! Ergonomic handle! (how can I have reached the age of almost-40 and still be very uncertain as to what that word even means) – but, in fact, you should know that I wanted this tumbler because it reminds me of the flip phone of dreams, the primary-coloured Motorola my sister had as her first phone, and which I have coveted from that good day to this.
Just look at it! A glorious little thing, and, according to Google, the world’s first flip phone! She should have kept it, maybe it would be worth money now. Anyway, you can see how the Boardwalk Mix colourway of the above tumbler reminded me of the phone, and therefore, why I had it on my wishlist for months, dying to buy it but reminding myself that I had, months previously, bought two Simple Modern tumblers (for myself and Brandin) in muted, chic colours, because every now and then I imagine I am a chic person.
Anyway, it just took a terrible sinus infection and for our 11-year-old to ask if he could have the sage-green tumbler for Brandin to finally submit to my desires and come home from work to present me, coughing in my sick bed, with the gift to end all gifts: this primary-coloured tumbler.
On a more serious note, it’s so handy to be able to carry around this enormous water bottle with me; I find I drink way more through a straw than I would otherwise (why? I don’t know, ask a scientist); if it didn’t fit in the cup holder I would inevitably lose it down the side of the car seats or in the passenger footwell, where all of my debit cards go to die; and the fact that it goes in the dishwasher is the clincher. 10/10. No notes.
Tell me: what have you bought, received, or taken possession of recently that you feel has truly become an essential part of your life? (Is it a $300 robe that doesn’t go past your knees?! If so I apologise. I guess it takes all sorts.)
I love my new Helimix shaker bottle to replace the one I've been using for years with the clanky ball inside. It's less than $25, and it actually works as well as the reviews say. I take kratom for chronic pain, and it tastes terrible and needs to be mixed well (in non-dairy milk so it doesn't foam up) so I can chug it quickly and chase it with a few Red Hots. The Helimix mixes better and needs less liquid than the metal ball shaker bottles. I've had it for 72hrs and I love it so much. I'm jealous of your vacuum though.