The Worst of Times
That’s it. That’s the title.
We are living through dark times1.
We are living through dark times, and it’s hard to write money diaries or opinion pieces or talk about television or books or anything, really, without thinking about all of the people – children, teenagers, young men, old women, mothers and fathers – who will never get to read any more books.
It’s hard, too, to know what to do, or say, during these hard times, especially, honestly, living in America.
America is home now, but I am not American. I will never be American. I pay taxes and I wait for my green card and I read the New York Times and Architectural Digest and I pay attention to local elections but I can’t vote and I will never understand a lot of the deep seated beliefs that seem to come hand in hand with being American, among them, a fervent pro-Zionist mentality that seems to override any sense of fairness or ethics or humanity. (And I know, I know: not all Americans2.)
I’ve been watching, with growing horror, the developments in Gaza since the October 7th terrorist attack in Israel that killed roughly 1,400 and saw 242 people taken hostage by Hamas. It feels a bit like watching a car crash, if the crash was caused on purpose and all of the people inside the vehicle were babies.
It is horrifying, and though I know I can look away, that feels in itself like a disgustingly privileged position to be in. Why should any of us get to look away, safe in our beds, assured that our families and loved ones are also safe in theirs?
There’s a hopelessness that is seeping into my consciousness and infecting everything else. How could I have brought a child into this world? This world, specifically, a world that is so violent and hateful and driven by greed3 and division and a blatant disregard for life in all of its iterations?
I’ve been reading the news and listening to the podcasts4 and donating to the funds (and buying the T-shirts5) and trying to make sense of how anyone could justify what’s happening and even though I know this isn’t helping anyone or achieving anything, I can think of very little else.
Like I said, we are living through dark times.
While I would love this to be a space where we can share and empathise and, sure, vent a little – I would also love it if we could somehow share a little bit of hope.
Please let me know if there’s anything that’s been filling your heart lately, anything that makes you feel like life might be worth all of this heartache, because right now I’m finding it harder and harder to believe that.
Mine, for what it’s worth, is this picture of Brandin, Atlas and me on Halloween, when we wore silly little costumes and made silly little faces and I got to shout “ah, ah, ah” at people in the style of the Count Von Count and it felt ridiculous and also freezing (it snowed!) but also wholesome in a way I didn’t know I needed.
If you have been directly or indirectly affected by the horrors of the last few weeks, please know: I see you. I cannot imagine how terrifying it must feel to be Jewish in the world right now, just as I cannot imagine how terrifying it must feel to be in Gaza right now. There are no winners here, but I see you.
Israel-Hamas War: Live Updates https://www.theguardian.com/world/live/2023/nov/04/israel-hamas-war-live-blinken-set-to-meet-with-middle-east-foreign-ministers-in-jordan-airstrike-on-gaza-ambulance-kills-15
“A Snapshot of Support for Palestinians Across America” https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/04/us/protests-israels-gaza.html
On (more) possible motivations behind the Israel-Gaza conflict:
Israel at War, from The Rest is Politics:
Free Palestine T-shirts designed by Emmalene Blake, in aid of the UNICEF Gaza Emergency Appeal: https://everpress.com/estr-free-palestine
While I’d love to say normal service will resume soon, it doesn’t feel like anything will be normal for a long time.
But I also know that wringing my hands and wailing into my phone screen is achieving precisely nothing, so let’s just say that semi-normal service will resume asap.
I appreciate every single one of my subscribers – paid and unpaid! – so much. Please don’t give up on me yet. ♥️
❤️❤️❤️ it’s been a really hard few weeks. For me, seeing the divide between regular people and the political elite is heartening. Most right minded folks, especially in Ireland, are on the side of Palestinians.